Patrick Devenny was a football kid. He didn\u2019t just love the game. He was built for it, with the 6\u20193\u201d frame and all the muscle it could hold. He blossomed his senior year at Granite Bay High School in northern California as a quarterback and all-area MVP, which brought out the recruiters. After graduating in 2005, he took his game \u2013 and big frame \u2013 to the University of Colorado where they converted him to tight end. Five years later, in the spring of 2010, he got a shot with the Seattle Seahawks as an undrafted free agent.<\/p>\n
And the more he progressed, the better he got, the higher he climbed, the more he destroyed himself each and every day.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s not a euphemism for \u201cplaying hard\u201d or \u201cputting his body on the line.\u201d Patrick Devenny was sick, and getting sicker \u2013 especially after his NFL dreams flamed out before ever playing a game with the Seahawks — and no one around him had any idea anything was wrong. Patrick Devenny, big, fast, strong, had a disease a lot of guys get but don\u2019t talk about.<\/p>\n
Patrick Devenny was bulimic.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople ask me when the food issues started,\u201d the now-29 year old says. \u201cI don\u2019t want to say it happened in college or high school. I know I\u2019ve always had this ability to eat a tremendous amount, but I was also working out so much. So I don\u2019t know if it was disguised by lifting, running, practice, all of that, so it just seemed normal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNormal\u201d during his playing days was around 5000 calories daily, not an outlandish amount for an elite athlete of his size. Normal also meant that even through high school, his schedule gave him structure, kept him driven and accountable, and in general helped him become a fine student-athlete. Football, and all that came with it, was life.<\/p>\n
In hindsight, however, Devenny believes that his ordered life helped plant the seeds of disordered eating \u2013 and thinking. All of that structure, including monitoring the macros (protein, carbs, and fat) he consumed and working out a certain way at the gym, wasn\u2019t just geared for results on the field. It was designed to achieve continual improvement with one endgame: perfection.<\/p>\n
The problem was, no one ever talks about male eating disorders. Or acts like it’s something that’s even a possibility for a masculine, muscular man, especially any athlete.<\/p>\n
Each year of school, each new level reached, meant he had to work harder to raise his game and physicality. And once he hit that truly elite level \u2013 a chance to be signed by an NFL team \u2013 all those seeds from all those years sprouted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI became obsessed about my body,\u201d he says. \u201cBy the time I had my Pro Day, I had to be perfect. You walk into a room full of scouts and you\u2019re shirtless and they\u2019re grabbing every inch of your body, measuring body fat, measuring your hands, doing all this stuff, so in the months leading up to that I knew I had to present this image that would blow them away.\u201d<\/p>\n
It worked \u2026 briefly. He was indeed signed by the Seahawks, but before he could suit up he was released. And just like that, his football career \u2013 something he\u2019d based his entire life on \u2013 ended. \u201cEvery day there was always a next step,\u201d he says. \u201cSchool, then football until 5, then homework, always on a schedule, always planning something. But once I was released, it was like, \u2018Now what?\u2019 In one day I had lost my identity. Suddenly it\u2019s Monday and I\u2019m like, \u2018What do I do?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
A man who had been trained to catch passes and throw blocks in front of 100,000 people was now untethered and unemployed. He wasn\u2019t sure what he wanted to \u2013 or could \u2013 do. This wasn\u2019t just a case of a guy having difficulty accepting a new reality, or making a rough transition. He truly felt worthless. And the only thing he could cling to were the habits that he knew: The structure of regimented diet and training.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was where I started to become obsessed,\u201d he says. \u201cThe only thing that ever provided comfort has been the gym. All I knew that day was that I could go work out like crazy. I became obsessed with trying to achieve some sort of body perfection so I could justify my life. I can impress the women, impress the guys, do whatever I could to achieve that<\/em> because I lacked so much confidence in myself. I overcompensated, thinking that the perfect body would solve all my issues. I was trying to find my identity through some kind of physical perfection \u2013 and it spun out of control.\u201d<\/p>\n And would become more and more out of control for six years. Following his release from the Seahawks in May 2010, Devenny manipulated his diet to disguise his eating disorders, while also using the gym to present the fa\u00e7ade of a healthy, go-getter lifestyle.<\/p>\n \u201cI became fascinated with intermittent fasting,\u201d he says. \u201cI\u2019d set a clock for 16 hours every day. If it was 15 hours and 55 minutes, I would wait those last five minutes. I was obsessed. That allowed me to completely overeat and binge at night. I would feast<\/em>. I weighed everything, had everything tracked down to the exact macro.\u201d<\/p>\n Here\u2019s the crazy thing: That doesn\u2019t sound crazy. A lot of people follow similar eating plans. But Devenny was taking it to another level. \u201cI was in this bro-science world of \u2018carbs and fats are bad, eat vegetables and protein.\u2019 So when I got into intermittent fasting, I started to eliminate a lot of food from my diet. Looking back, it was primarily food that I considered healthy but also forbidden myself to eat. Then I would get stressed out and crave an entire jar of peanut butter, or granola, or cereal.\u201d<\/p>\n Every night, the feeding frenzy would begin. Some nights, Devenny would pound down as much as 12,000 calories. At one point, for a three-month stretch, he ate 4 boxes of cereal and a gallon of almond milk every night. Another night, he ate 16 Quest protein bars (\u201cThey tasted fantastic and I could\u2019ve had more.\u201d). This is also when his behavior began to mirror classic addiction: \u201cAfterward, I\u2019d be like, \u2018Okay, I\u2019m not going to do it again, I\u2019m fine, it\u2019s no big deal.\u2019 But during, it was like an out of body experience. All of a sudden I\u2019d get done, it\u2019s midnight, and my stomach hurts beyond belief, and then I go into self-beat-up mode.\u201d<\/p>\n In the morning, his fast would begin again and he\u2019d head to the gym for a three-hour workout. But if you ask Devenny today, it was punishment, and very much a part of his condition. \u201cI needed to do the gym work as much as I needed to eat,\u201d he says. \u201cDefinitely hand-in-hand. It would suck, too. I was lifting like a madman, sweating everywhere, and then do an extra hour of cardio and never once did I see any gains. I just maintained. Every time I squatted I tried to go as heavy as I could, or I\u2019d go light and do 100 reps. And every rep was me pissed off at myself for what I did the night before. My body was wrecked.\u201d<\/p>\n An interesting thing: When Devenny abused himself, it was always with exercise or \u201chealthy\u201d foods. Protein bars. Organic cereals from Whole Foods. That was part of the charade.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you had looked at me, especially during that time, and I told you I had an eating disorder, you wouldn\u2019t have believed me in a million years,\u201d he says. \u201cI still looked physical great, and look in the pantry — it\u2019s all healthy food. But what I was doing behind closed doors \u2013 because I wouldn\u2019t do this in front of anybody \u2013was so secretive. But everything that you can\u2019t judge with your eyes was horrible. My stomach was destroyed. My hormones, too. No matter how much I ate or exercised, I was running on fumes at all times.\u201d<\/p>\n The exercise-eating cycle went on for months. In 2014, Devenny\u2019s mother passed away and he began bottoming out. He knew he had a problem but maintained enough denial so he didn\u2019t have to do anything about it. But one random event helped crystalize things in his own mind.<\/p>\n \u201cI was listening to a podcast with Layne Norton and Sohee Lee [Physique Science Radio]. They had a therapist on who started describing a lot of food issues and how she didn\u2019t believe in counting macros because it can lead to a lot of disordered eating. And I just froze. Just her describing those symptoms really hit home for me. I did not expect to listen to that podcast and find that out.\u201d<\/p>\n A second event: Devenny had a frank and \u201cvulnerable\u201d conversation with Adam Bornstein, Born Fitness founder, a friend who had been providing him with diet and workout programs for years (which Devenny followed only in spirit, naturally). He refers to the phone call as \u201ca left-handed Hail Mary. But for me just calling the play was the biggest thing I could\u2019ve done.\u201d<\/p>\n Bornstein was up-front: Man, you need help. Devenny knew it, and in the meantime had already reached out via email to the therapist he heard on the podcast. It was the beginning of his recovery.<\/p>\n His first therapy session was both unsurprising \u2013 \u201cIn like 2 minutes she asked me a couple of questions and it became so obvious how much I needed help.\u201d \u2013 and terrifying.<\/p>\n \u201cShe told me, one, I had to get back to a normal eating schedule with healthy meals, and two, really cut back in the gym,\u201d he says. \u201cShe told me a lot<\/em> of things that I was deathly afraid of. I\u2019m like, what<\/em>? That\u2019s my life.\u201d The first day he tried his new program was the first breakfast he\u2019d eaten in months. \u201cIt took 13 weeks just to regulate my eating.\u201d<\/p>\n He learned many other things as he progressed. First and foremost, he was officially a bulimic, which he found difficult to wrap his head around \u2013 at first. After all, since when are male eating disorders a thing? Especially, not for a guy that looked like Devenny. But the more he learned, the more he found that he fit a profile, especially for men with eating disorders.<\/p>\n \u201cI mean, guys don\u2019t have eating disorders, right?\u201d he says. \u201cSo I had to allow myself to admit that. It\u2019s a complicated subject, but there are three ways people get diagnosed with bulimia. One is the traditional concept: You eat and then throw up. I definitely struggled with throwing up. Two is using laxatives, which I didn\u2019t even know was thing. But the third one? You over-exercise.\u201d<\/p>\n Therapy brought another revelation: \u201cAt one point we started talking about my mom, who had passed away,\u201d he says. \u201cAll of a sudden it hit me. I remember times as a child hearing my mom throw up and thinking maybe she has a weak stomach. I never put 2 and 2 together. I was predisposed<\/em>. She didn\u2019t like how much she ate so she was gonna throw it up.\u201d<\/p>\n Devenny\u2019s initial therapy program was 20 weeks long, and when he finished, he was eating 3 normal meals each day along with one snack. \u201cIt\u2019s funny,\u201d he says. \u201cPeople would ask me what I was up to, and I wanted to say, \u2018Well, I\u2019m finally eating breakfast.\u2019 A huge accomplishment for me, but nobody gets that, nobody understands the hell you go through when you have an eating disorder. I was afraid to share it because people wouldn\u2019t understand it.\u201d<\/p>\n That feeling has passed, for now, and Devenny wants to get the word out to people who might be going through what he did. He doesn\u2019t believe they should suffer for one more minute. He hopes that talking about his own experience will help shine a useful light on the problem, which can be both underdiagnosed and misunderstood.<\/p>\n \u201cMy goal now is to hopefully change the image behind what eating disorders are, and that guys and women get them for every reason possible,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n \u201cI also talk about the downfall from such rigid eating. There\u2019s now a big push in the fitness community that\u2019s more about moderation than eliminating foods, and I\u2019m all for it. About 10 percent of diagnosed bulimics are men, and the majority of them are athletes. I would like to be a voice of reason for male athletes who have gone through this.\u201d<\/p>\n Today, Devenny is able to have cereal for breakfast (and stop at one bowl) and spends about a quarter of the time he used to in the gym. Meanwhile, the proper fuel and sensible workouts have changed his body in surprising ways. \u201cI\u2019m physically stronger than I\u2019ve ever been \u2013 without being in the gym all day, every day.\u201d<\/p>\n If Devenny has any regrets, it\u2019s that he didn\u2019t seek help faster. Still, he\u2019s on the sunny side of 30 and has the life perspective and mission of a guy twice that age. And that\u2019s okay, because now he can do some good with it.<\/p>\n \u201cI missed out on a lot of things in life,\u201d he says. \u201cIf you had asked me on a Saturday to go on some adventure, I\u2019d be like, \u2018Well, if you\u2019re willing to wait \u2018til after I\u2019m done at the gym.\u2019 And I wouldn\u2019t go out to dinner with friends because I couldn\u2019t control what was on the menu. That would scare me to death. I just didn\u2019t know any better. For years<\/em>. I wouldn\u2019t have ever known the difference except now that I\u2019m on the other side of it and have received help. All I had to do was ask.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A former NFL player reveals the reality of male eating disorders \u2013 especially the way they affect athletes and those focused on fat loss and muscle gain \u2013 and how he reclaimed a healthy lifestyle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":4317,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[58],"tags":[893,894,891,720,892,41,890],"class_list":["post-4311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nutrition","tag-bulimia","tag-bulimic","tag-eating-disorders","tag-fat-loss","tag-male-eating-disorders","tag-muscle-gain","tag-patrick-devenny","bf-level-beginner"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy No One Talks About Male Eating Disorders (And Why It’s More Prevalent Than You Think)<\/h2>\n